Knocking at my Heart

So, I decided to follow my own deity
to bid air and soul be still
to call my own earthen form god.

Father, forgive me.
I knew what I was doing, but forgive me anyway.
I know it pained you to watch me stumbling and searching –

east

west

backwards

around

for something that was standing at my doorstep,
someone who was knocking at my door.
Forgive me.

I thought maybe I could do it better –
find a home beyond this curse,
this corpse
beyond this flesh, always too weak
beyond your expectations, always too high.

I had hoped to topple you and place myself on the throne.
I can finally be honest now.

Instead of drawing closer to you, showing my heart how much it needed you,
my heart conspired evil.
My mortal lacking made me flee.

Tell me it’s not too late.
Sing that lullaby to me again.
I promise to listen this time,
to humble myself as I ought.

Promise me you won’t stop knocking,
before I make it to the door.

– soo

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